when insults had class

Forwarded to me by my mother:

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still
valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to
4-letter words.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my
husband I’d give you poison,” and he said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows
or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether
I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston
Churchill

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” – Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure.” Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” -
Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading
it.” – Moses Hadas

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” -
Abraham Lincoln

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of
it.” – Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend…. if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston
Churchill, “Cannot
possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” – Winston
Churchill, in response.

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” -
Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” -
Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.” -
Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” Jack E.
Leonard

“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.” – Robert Redford

“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
knowledge.” – Thomas Brackett Reed

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” -
Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”- Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” -
Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar
Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather
than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder “

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx