guys' rules

Circulating on the Internet for over a decade have been various lists of The Rules, according to women, usually in reference to their relationships with men. There are now also lists of “Guys’ Rules” making the rounds. A lot of the guy rules have to do with spectator sports, farting, and other cultural gender stereotypes. But some of the rules seem to me to address real communication issues between the sexes. Here’s my Top 10, culled from longer lists:

  1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up; you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it in the wrong position.

  2. Crying is blackmail.

  3. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

  4. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

  5. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

  6. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

  7. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

  8. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

  9. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

  10. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss topics you have no interest in.

One Response to guys' rules

  1. Scott Lahti says:

    Reminds me for some reason of George Carlin’s old list of “Things you don’t hear too often”, i.e., “Do what you want to the girl, just leave *me* alone.”

    As for question #9, a face-saving response to “Do these pants make me look fat?” would be “No, Dear, the *pants* have nothing to do with it whatever.”

    I hear that one gets results every time.

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