Jimmy Skunk explains libertarianism
December 24, 2009 Leave a comment
From The Adventures of Jimmy Skunk (1918) by Thornton W. Burgess:
XIII: JIMMY SKUNK EXPLAINS
You’ll find this true where’er you go
That those prepared few troubles know.
“To begin with, I am not such a very big fellow, am I?” said Jimmy.
“Ah reckons Ah knows a right smart lot of folks bigger than yo’, Brer Skunk,” replied Unc’ Billy, with a grin. You know Jimmy Skunk really is a little fellow compared with some of his neighbors.
“And I haven’t very long claws or very big teeth, have I?” continued Jimmy.
“Ah reckons mine are about as long and about as big,” returned Unc’ Billy, looking more puzzled than ever.
“But you never see anybody bothering me, do you?” went on Jimmy.
“No,” replied Unc’ Billy.
“And it’s the same way with Prickly Porky the Porcupine. You never see anybody bothering him or offering to do him any harm, do you?” persisted Jimmy.
“No,” replied Unc’ Billy once more.
“Why?” demanded Jimmy.
Unc’ Billy grinned broadly. “Ah reckons, Brer Skunk,” said he, “that there isn’t anybody wants to go fo’ to meddle with yo’ and Brer Porky. Ah reckons most folks knows what would happen if they did, and that yo’ and Brer Porky are folks it’s a sight mo’ comfortable to leave alone. Leastways, Ah does. Ah ain’t aiming fo’ trouble with either of yo’. That li’l bag of scent yo’ carry is cert’nly most powerful, Brer Skunk, and Ah isn’t hankering to brush against those little spears Brer Porky is so free with. Ah knows when Ah’s well off, and Ah reckons most folks feel the same way.”
Jimmy Skunk chuckled. “One more question, Unc’ Billy,” said he. “Did you ever know me to pick a quarrel and use that bag of scent without being attacked?”
Unc’ Billy considered for a few minutes. “Ah can’t say Ah ever did,” he replied.
“And you never knew Prickly Porky to go hunting trouble either,” declared Jimmy. “We don’t either of us go hunting trouble, and trouble never comes hunting us, and the reason is that we both are always prepared for trouble and everybody knows it. Buster Bear could squash me by just stepping on me, but he doesn’t try it. You notice he always is very polite when we meet. Prickly Porky and I are armed for defence, but we never use our weapons for offence. Nobody bothers us, and we bother nobody. That’s the beauty of being prepared.”
Unc’ Billy thought it over for a few minutes. Then he sighed and sighed again.
“Ah reckons yo’ and Brer Porky are about the luckiest people Ah knows,” said he. “Yes, Sah, Ah reckons yo’ is just that. Ah don’t fear anybody mah own size, but Ah cert’nly does have some mighty scary times when Ah meets some people Ah might mention. Ah wish Ol’ Mother Nature had done gone and given me something fo’ to make people as scary of me as they are of yo’. Ah cert’nly believes in preparedness after seein’ yo’, Brer Skunk. Ah cert’nly does just that very thing. Have yo’ found any nice fresh aiggs lately?”